Hi Hurf Durf,
I have just been through a very similar process for my vintage Premier kit.
I do not like, like you, very "gongy" drums; especially toms.
My trusted drumshop-mate advised me to switch to
Aquarian heads.
He advised me to go for The Focus X, which is a texture coated single skin with a vented (very thin and light) clear muffling ring at the bearing edges.(underneath)
This ring takes just only the overtones out of the sound scala.
I first repaced my snare with this
Aquarian head and the result is amazing, my snare was a bit "ringy"

and that disappeared.
However; if I want a higher note-accent I just wack it close to the edge and I still get a bit of "ring".
I will install the same head on my 12" tom, and my 16" tom.
I have heard the
Aquarian Focus X on toms and they sound just great!
It does not deaden the toms, but definitely takes the "boing" out.
The ideal thing is, for me, that it does not kill the drums and you can still have open sounding lively accents!
I was always an
Evans man but now I totally dig the Aqarians!
I am now also going to replace my bass heads, using
Aquarian Superkick II.
I hope this helps you although I realise that head-choice is very very much a matter of personal preference.
Cheers and happy drumming,
Harry