Re: room acoustics, does it really make a big difference?
Well, this a very challenging subject.
I have been fortunate on behalf of my profession to be involved in acoustical design for public spaces etc.
We are talking here about sound quality, which is basicly governed by absorbtion and reflection and sound delay (reverb ).
The absorbtion is a function of the soft/non reflective surfaces of the room finishes such as carpet curtains etc.
The reflection is supported by the harder surfaces of the room.
The sound delay is related to the distance of the sound source to the walls, ceilng and floor.
Small rooms are difficult to start of with, because you will have virtual no sound delay, the reflection and absorbtion are fighting each other, especially in prismatic spaces (which rooms are) meaning parallel ceiling/floor and walls.
Good music theaters have no parallel walls and ceilings and have enough space/distance to have decent sound projection.
Churches for instance have generally execellent acoustics, a human voice un-enhanced can carry vast distances in absolute clarity.
In your small room you are at the opposite end of the scale, you are finding yourself in the crossfire of all the effect as mentioned above.
You can fiddle a bit with the curtains and such but I do not think you will be able to solve your problem.
My advice is to get your toms to a reaonable (acoustical) allright space and tune them there, also let somebody else play them and stand say 30 ft in front of them so you can judge not being "in" the sound.
After that you take them home knowing they will do reasonably well in a gig situation, for you will never perform with your band in your small room, assuming that you are not into recording in that room.
Also some toms have an internal damper (felt) in them which could be engaged.
If you really want your toms to ring try tensioning the lower head right up and leave the batter head sortof medium.
I hope this will help you somewhat,
Cheers, Harry  | 
my toms sound much better now!
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