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Old 04-17-2007, 06:24 AM
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skinslapper skinslapper is offline
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Q: What's your occupation?

A: Drummer.

Q: What does that job inv...

A: Timing.
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Old 04-18-2007, 06:49 AM
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mouse mouse is offline
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Well, there is only one drummer joke, the rest are all true.

Us drummers may cop a lot of flak, but the bassist is still lower on the musician's food chain. Here's a few more ...

Why do flies hang around garbage bins?
To beat the drummer to the scraps.

Two guys walking down a street. One of them was a drummer. The other guy didn't have any money either.

A drummer and a bass player are sitting in a car.
Who is driving the car?
The policeman.

Your are a drummer and driving along the road when you spot a vocalist and a bass player looking under the hood of their broken down car.
Who do you run over first? And why?
The bass player. Business before pleasure.

Knock, knock, knock,knock! Who's there.
It'll be the drummer again.

The train rattled towards a long tunnel and in one compartment sat a guitarist, a drummer, a pretty young woman and a little old lady.
The train entered the tunnel and all went dark, there was a loud kiss, followed by an even louder smack!
When the train emerged from the dark tunnel the four occupants were still sitting in their seats busy with their own thoughs on what had just happened.
The pretty young woman was thinking, "Why would that drummer want to kiss an old lady?"
The old lady was thinking " What a hussy sitting there as if nothing happened, i know that guitarist kissed her"
The guitarist was thinking "I didn't do a damn thing so why did i get my face slapped"
The drummer was thinking "How about that, i kiss my own hand and then smack the guitarist in the mouth, and get away with it:.

What is the avarage income of a drummer. About 3 AM.

Hear about the drummer who got fired from the Olympic band. He tested negative for drugs.

The drummer has crossed the road with a chicken and found the answer wev'e all been looking for.

Worried Bass player "That drummer turned a tuning peg on me, and won't tell me which one!"

Q: What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless

A bassist, a guitarist, and a drummer are sitting in a pub after playing a hard gig, drinking a few beers and chatting quietly.

The bassist says - "Last night I found some vodka in my daughter's room...I never knew she drunk..."
The guitarist says- "Oh, that's no good..I found some cigarettes in my son's room last night, I never knew he smoked..."

The drummer then replies, drunkedly- "Last night...I found a condom in my daughter's room...I never knew she had a penis!!"

A midget who was a drummer in a Country and Western band went to the doctor because his testicles ached almost all of the time. The doctor told him to stand on the examining table and drop his pants. The doc put one finger under the midget's left testicle and told him to turn his head and cough - the usual method to check for a hernia.
"Hmmm..." mumbled the doc as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked th! e midget to cough again, "Hmmm, I see the problem," said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors.
Snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip on the right side, then snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, on the left
The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to hop down off the table and pull his pants up. Then to walk around and see if his testicles still ached. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around the doc's office and discovered his testicles were no longer aching.
The midget said, "That! 's perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it! What did you do?"
The Doctor replied, "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots."

Four guys are walking down the street and see a sign that says, "Old Timer's
Bar - ALL DRINKS 10 CENTS!" They all look at each other with a puzzled look
and decide to go inside to check it out. An old bartender says in a voice
that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you!
What'll it be, Gentlemen?" There seems to be a fully-stocked bar, so the men
each ask for a martini. In short order, the bartender serves up 4 iced
martinis - shaken, not stirred - and says, "That'll be 10 cents each,
please." The four men look in shock at the bartender, not believing their luck in
finding this place, and pay him the 40 cents. They soon finish their
martinis and order another round. Again, they receive four excellent
martinis and the bartender says, "That's 40 more cents, please." They pay
the 40 cents, but now their curiosity is more than they can stand. They've
each had two martinis and so far they've spent less than a dollar.

Finally one of the men says, "How can you afford to serve martinis
as good as these for ten cents apiece?"

The bartender says, "I'm a retired miner from the coast and I always wanted
to own a bar. Last year I struck Lotto and with the $25 million decided to
open this place just for the fun of it. Every drink costs ten cents. Wine,
liquor, beer, it's all the same."

"Wow, that's quite a story," says one of the men.

The four of them continued to sip their martinis and couldn't help but
notice three other guys at the end of the bar who didn't have a drink in
front of them and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.

One man gestures at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks
the bartender, "What's with them?"

The bartender replies, "Oh, they're all drummers. They're waiting for happy

Q: What do you call the guy who hangs around hassling the drummer at the end of a gig??
A: The bass player!

A new customer walks into the new store on the block that sells brains. There are three glass cases, each containing a nice wet quivering grey brain. The first one says "Astrophysicist", and it costs $10. The second says "Avon Salesman" and costs $1000. The third says "Drummer" and costs $10,000. The customer is confused, and questions the salesperson.
"I don't get it...why would I want a drummer's brain for $10,000 when I can get an astrophysicists' for $10?".

The salesman replies, "Because it's never been used."

Johnny says to his mom: I want to be a drummer when I grow up!

Mom: But Johnny, you can't do both.

After having their 11th child, a bass player and his wife decided that was enough as they could not afford a larger bed. So the bass player went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive.

A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The bass player said to the doctor, Geez, I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." "Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could
continue counting on his other hand.

On the sixth day God created the drummer and said "Let's see the evangelists try and figure this one out"

Math teacher to drummer;
"No, a logrithm is not playing chops on a tree stump!"

The difference between a drummer and a mutual fund?
The mutual fund eventually matures and earns money.

What do you say to a drummer in a 3 piece suit?
Will the defendant please rise.

The value of learning music from a drummers perspective.
The more you study, the more you learn.
The more you learn, the more you forget.
The more you forget, the less you learn.
The less you learn, the dummer you get.
The dummer you get, the worse off you are than when you started,
so why study?

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Turn glass other way up so that open end points toward ceiling

SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dark.
FAULT: The Bar is closing.
ACTION: Panic.

How do you know if a drummer's been walking in the rain??

There's clean spots all over him.

2 Drummers walk past a bar.

It Could happen....... one day.......

howd you get 2 drummers to play in time?

Shoot one!

What do you call someone who hangs around musicians?
A drummer.

How many musicians does it take to make a jazz quartet?
Three, plus a drummer.

Drummers have the rhythm in their blood. Bass players usually have only alcohol in their blood.

A drummer walks into a shop and asks for a set of guitar strings. The guy behind the counter says "you're a drummer, aren't you?". The drummer says "Yes I am, how did you know?". The guy behind the counter says "because this is a damn newsagent!".

What do 7-11 coffee and Ginger Baker have in common?
They both suck without Cream.

Lastly ...
I haven't said anything to anyone about this until now because I wanted to wait until the deal had been finalised. We have just purchased a one-bedroom unit as an investment property I thought you might like to know, in case anyone is interested in reasonably priced accommodation for an upcoming getaway to the beach.
It's available for weekends or on a weekly basis.

For now, I will be handling bookings until I find an agent.

We would be prepared to rent it to any Drumsetconnect forum members for about $80 for 3-nights and $150 for the week (these prices are for friends and family and forum members only).
Prices will be a bit different for people I don't know but can be discussed on an individual basis.

In any case, it's a one-bedroom, high rise unit that overlooks the sea, nestled in wooded area and has a great sea view from every window!

I have included just the one photo for now, let me know if you might be interested


Last edited by mouse; 04-18-2007 at 07:08 AM.. Reason: spelling mistakes
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Old 04-19-2007, 05:56 PM
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guss guss is offline
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dont read...

A drummer walks into a music store.

Drummer:"I would like to try that saxiphone, and that accordian."

Person at the counter:"Oh your a drummer"

Drummer: "How did you know?"

P A T C: oh that is my fire extinguisher and my radiator.

My DAD says drummers keep there drum sticks on the dash board because they can pull into handycap parking places.

also starbucks sucks bothways and is that a hillbilly house because i would buyit
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Old 02-27-2009, 10:54 PM
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Tainojim Tainojim is offline
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Re: Best Drummer Jokes

What do you call a Mute Drummer?
A drummer without sticks.

What is a solo drummer?
He plays so low that nobody hears him.
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Old 02-27-2009, 11:45 PM
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Re: Best Drummer Jokes

whats the difference between the sun and a drummer?
the world actually revolves around the sun.

i dont like it very much but its kinda true...
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Old 02-28-2009, 01:35 AM
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don11817 don11817 is offline
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Re: Best Drummer Jokes

Oh look here come the musicians.... And the drummer....

How do you know when the lead singer is at your front door?
They don't know when to come in and can't find the key...
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Old 02-28-2009, 11:35 AM
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snowboarder bum snowboarder bum is offline
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Re: Bassist....

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Old 03-06-2009, 09:01 PM
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Infero Exicution Infero Exicution is offline
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Re: Best Drummer Jokes

You guys are comming up with some good ones!
Let me try....
How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb??
1. But you might need a few light bulbs after the drummer shatters them
from pretending they're drum sticks!
I no, i no, that was horrible. It took 2 seconds to think of.
don't ask me to make jokes ever again.
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Old 04-22-2009, 05:11 PM
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Tainojim Tainojim is offline
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Re: Best Drummer Jokes

Originally Posted by skinslapper View Post
What do you get if you cross a drummer with a gorilla?

A realy dumb f***ing gorilla!

Sorry, I get a little carried away sometimes.
Hey Mr. Skin, I back you up 100% on that statement. Like the chimp riding a bike.
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Old 04-23-2009, 10:30 PM
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Re: Best Drummer Jokes

A drummer wanted to get into a soldout Techno Concert
So He sold his soul to the devil
In return he got made into a drum machine
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